The Two Halves

A close friend asked me the other day what I was most excited for and most fearful of regarding this trip to Mongolia. I've been trying to live a transparent life so that people can really see who I am at the core. Not holding back or trying to cover up the less than perfect areas. So I thought I'd share here what I shared with her. I know the things I am excited for, may turn out to be less amazing than I imagine them, and I hope that my fears will be swept away and replaced with peace. So, we shall see how these things actually play out in reality. Five months or so and I'll be on a plane...

Things I am really super crazy amazing excited for:

1) Trying all the new foods. I have heard that at least traditionally, and in the countryside, there's a lot of meat and dairy products. Well heck. That right up my alley! Mongolian cheeses? Sounds fantastic!
2) Experiencing and learning Mongolian culture. I love other cultures, learning about them and from them and discovering the beautiful things in all of them.
3) Meeting all vet students, veterinarians, nomadic families, and all the other people around me. I can't wait to get to know them, laugh with them, and hear their stories.
4) Teaching English...it'll be a new experience for me, but I like to teach things that I know, so it might be fun.
5) Leading Bible studies. Um. No explanation needed. This will probably be my favorite part. I just can't get enough Scripture and I hope to pass that passion on.
6) Getting more veterinary experience of course. Learning how vet medicine is done overseas. (Cuddling with puppies and kittens is also a perk that never gets old! Haha!)
7) Winter. I'm a Minnesotan. I love snow and cold. So, bring it on! I am actually excited to see if I can handle the Mongolian winters (average temperatures: -20 F. Yes. I know this makes me insane. Yes. I know I will probably eat these words in several months and start complaining about the cold.)

Things I am a little nervous about and cautiously expectant of:

1) Trying the new foods. I am a picky eater. Whenever I travel overseas, I end up getting sick and nauseous to some degree. I don't want to be rude culturally, but I don't want to gag at the table either...so...um...yeah.
2) Living in Mongolian culture. I love learning about and experiencing other cultures. But living in a different one is something else. Much as I try to leave my culture behind and become the culture I am entering, some days it is so hard to continue in that. Sometimes I think I'm going to need to have a few hours of just being American...maybe eating oreos and having a dance party in my room to some Ke$ha music.
3) Meeting all the vet students, veterinarians, nomadic families and all the people around me. I'm a slightly socially awkward introvert. I'm not crazy about meeting tons of new people. It kinda freaks me out and makes me uncomfortable. I'm afraid that I won't connect to people in Mongolia, won't establish close friendships, and afraid I'll feel really isolated from everyone there. I'm afraid of losing connections and community back home. I'm afraid of not being there for my close friends, not being able to support them and love on them like I normally would. I'm afraid of missing them so much...
4) Teaching English. Let's just say that last time I had to "teach" English in East Asia in an informal setting it drained me mentally and emotionally like nothing I've experienced before. It's going to be hard. This I know for sure. I don't speak Mongolian, though I am learning little by little. It's a very difficult language for me to learn thus far. I'm afraid I troubles in communication will hinder my ability to form close relationships with my students.
5) Leading Bible studies. I'm always nervous, even here at home that no one will show up to my Bible studies. Again, the cultural/language barrier could make things difficult as well. I want this time to be really meaningful, but I'm always afraid it will turn out terrible or ineffective.
6) Getting more veterinary experience. I am almost positive there will be differences between my current American veterinary experiences and those I have in Mongolia. My fear is not that it will be a bad experience but that I will not have an open mind. I am afraid that pride will take over my mind and heart in this area and I know I will need humility for sure. I'm also afraid I won't have time to connect with the American vets there and therefore won't be able to gain valuable insights from them.
7) Winter. (On a lighter note...) Frostbite is never fun no matter where you're from. I can't sleep with cold feet. So. I need to find lots of wool socks. Ha. Though in all honesty, I am least afraid of winter than of anything else listed! (Minnesota how I love thy winters!)

As you may have noticed my excitements and fears are two fold. They're two halves of my emotions. What I am brimming with joy about, I am also hesitantly awaiting with light anxiousness. I have no idea what God is going to teach me or how He is going to grow me. All I know is I have this feeling in my core that this trip is going to challenge me, stretch me, like nothing has before. I can't explain it rationally, it just feels that way. Now is the breath intake before a scream. I do know that I want my faith to increase, I long to grow more like who Jesus is molding me to be, I yearn to know and love Him better. I also know that growth requires pain and difficulty. If I never pushed myself physically, I would never improve my muscular strength. No. It takes pain and burning acid in my muscles to grow them. Likewise, I feel that this up coming season of life will be one of growth...and one of pain. I am trying to prepare myself accordingly therefore. I keep reminding myself now of God's promises that have held true in the past for me. Keep reacquainting myself of who I am in Him. Refocusing my purpose to His purposes. We shall see...I cannot wait to write a victory story here. I cannot wait to come back and tell the stories of what great things He has done!

Until that day I can only get ready. I have taken up language learning again. It is slow. Mongolian is very similar to Russian in many ways, but also similar grammatically to Japanese and Korean. (This is why, as you may well imagine, I am having difficulty!) I can almost remember how to count to 10 (I get stuck on 2 every time dang it! But I know the other 9 numbers...) Also. I know the number 55. It is my favorite because I can remember it. "Tevan Tav". So hopefully I will be able to use it at some point. "How many chocolates would I like to eat? Tevan Tav."  :)  Haha! I also know how to good bye. So until later, "Bayartai!"