The Grateful Debt

Lavish  - verb (used with object) : "to expend or give in great amounts or without limit".  

Lavished upon. This is how I feel.  
I have been weeping tonight, for I am utterly overwhelmed.

I am overwhelmed by my own utter unworthiness. This undeserving wretch that I am, is of the most ungrateful, selfish and unfaithful breed.
I am overwhelmed by the overflowing outpouring of generosity that has been lavished upon me. These sacrificial gifts and extravagant love move me in my core.

I wept because I do not deserve such kindness from those I have never met. I wept because I am unworthy to accept the lavish blessings from those who have already given me so much. I wept because I am unfaithful to keep up with those who truly love me - yet even still they love me more. I wept because I so often take blessings for granted. I wept because I know I'll never be able to pay back or earn what has been given to me. I wept because I am so very humbled.

It is mid-July. I am more than fully funded to go to Mongolia. I am filled to the brim and overflowing. I have more than enough. And I am forever indebted.

First to my friends back home: to you who helped raise me, to you who invested in my life, to you who have always encouraged and blessed me, to you who have lavished me through distance and years apart.

Secondly to those of you whom I have never seen and may not meet until we meet upon Heaven's golden streets, to you who felt called to invest and trust in God's work through a girl you don't know.

Thirdly to my friends here in my home in Colorado, to you who have laughed with me, to you who have studied Scripture with me, to you who have sharpened me like iron.

Finally to my family - to you whom I owe more than I owe anyone else on this earth, to you who have showered me and always covered me with love, to you who have prayed for me for 23 years, to you who have sacrificed untiringly and endlessly, to you who know my selfishness, ungratefulness and wretchedness more than anyone else.

To all of you - I cannot say 'thank you' enough to make it mean what my heart feels. I do not deserve you. I am forever indebted to you. My God has blessed me through you. Through you my proud heart is rightly humbled. Because of you my hard ungrateful soul is alive with gratefulness again. I am undeserving and unworthy of you...and you have reminded me of grace again (oh that beautiful undeserved favor and blessing!). No amount of physical gifts could represent what I owe you in my spirit.

The only things I can offer you to express what kind of thanks is in my heart - I ask and pray God's blessing and promises on you regarding your generous gifts:

"and whoever sows generously will also reap generously." - The 2nd book called 'Corinthians', chapter 9, verse 6.

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." - The 2nd book called 'Corinthians', chapter 9, verse 8.

"Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God." -The 2nd book called 'Corinthians', chapter 9, verses 10-12.

These things I pray for you. May God bless you and bring you joy and peace because of your faithfulness to him and because of your love and sacrifices!

I now can say as Paul of the Bible once wrote:
"I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received... the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." - The book of Philippians, chapter 4, verses 18-19.

I so here I am. Weeping. Confronted with my unworthiness in comparison to the lavish gifts I have been undeservedly blessed with. I stand gratefully indebted.